A lot has happened since I last wrote. The Uptown Restaurant finally went under, which we all kind of suspected and "re-opening at a later date" turned into "bought out by a coffee shop." C'est la vie. I now work legit around the corner from The Cafe, aka the original inspiration for this blog. That's kind of awesome though, because I can visit my Cool Former Boss after my shift at my new job and get free beer which is always a plus. I never visit my Asshole Former Boss because he is an asshole. Anyway, the new job is pretty decent. Good money, super laid back, and decent bosses. That said, we're open til 2 on the weekends which does provide its own share of adventures.
Last Friday I was working late and around 1:30 a group of heavily inebriated people came in. I made the decision not to serve them booze, but just kind of avoided the mention of alcohol because I hate having that conversation and it's always super awkward. Anyway, after I finally wrangled their food order I noticed one guy seemed to have pulled a bottle of beer from out of who knows where. We only serve draft beer where I work, so I knew he had to have brought the bottle in from somewhere else, which 1) is trashy and kind of stupid and 2) is illegal (damn open container laws!)
So I went up to him and as politely as I could (believe it or not, I can be super awesome polite if I want to....all those years of theatre training didn't go to waste!) told him that we didn't allow outside beverages and I'd have to take the beer away from him. He gave me a stunned look, and said :
"But it's from next door!"
exactly, Obama, exactly.
It's from next door??? What the fuck does that even mean? Why should I give a shit? I don't care if it's from up your ass, you can't have it in here! Dumbass. Anyway, a bit later they asked me for drinks and I had to turn them down, which I hate doing because it's always awkward, and I like to avoid coming right out and saying "You're drunk, bitch" unless I absolutely have to. So I went through a few excuses, "It's 2:05 and we close at two, you brought in outside alcohol, etc." Finally, I went with the ultra pc "I don't feel comfortable serving you as you appear to already have been drinking this evening." And what answer did that get me, you ask? One of the girls in the group looked at me and said:
"DUHHHH. It's Friday!"
okay then.
So, to reiterate. Things I have learned. You can break open container laws if your beer is "from next door." And you can be a drunk asshole as long as "Duh, it's Friday!" Obviously.
Of course, my long awaited (by perhaps two people) return to blogging wouldn't be complete without a few Roasting Stories. So let's get crackin.
January 29, 2012
"So for my dad I would like a chicken baguette, with no baguette, just a chicken. He is gonna split it with my mom. So make it bigger, because they are adults. It has to be a decent size for 2. (I suggested they get two, but she was like: no, just make it bigger.)"
THAT IS NOT A THING. I WILL NOT DO THAT.
So. Here are some things: 1) If all you want is a chicken breast, go to the store and buy a fucking chicken breast. 2) You cannot just have something "made bigger." RESTAURANTS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY GOODNIGHT.
Sometimes people just make my head hurt. Anyway, I think I have time for one more story. Actually, I have time for lots of things right now because we are all going do die from snow and never leave our apartments ever again. But I want to start blogging again at least weekly, if not twice a week (I always say that) and I don't want to use up all my stories. So. One more story to end the evening on. Actually, no. Two stories because they're both short.
"January 30, 2012
A lady with a giant cart came in and asked me for a PB&J. How do I say yes! to that? I didn't. I totally said no."
Side effect of writing this blog: I am now obsessed with this octopus.
One more quick little "story" from
"January 30, 2012
A woman at table 10 found a potato on the radiator"
Honestly, I don't really have anything to say about this, other than "not surprised at all." Also, I google image searched "weird potato" and came up with this:
So, that's a thing. Dick potatoes for everybody!
Or not. The octopus disapproves.
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