Happy Friday the 13th everybody! I'm trying to think off the top of my head if anything truly weird ever happened at The Cafe on a Friday the 13th, but truth be told every damn day in their was kind of weird so I kind of lost track of time. But yeah. Here's hoping nobody dies or gets clobbered today, and for fucks sake don't go around murdering black cats. I read on the internet that that's a thing and in made me sad. Anyway, here's an obligatory pic of some weird retro guy walking under a ladder and laughing in the face of bad luck.
Such astounding bravery should not go unnoticed.
But anyway. Later on I'll post some Old School Roasting Stories and we can pretend they're totally in honor of Friday the 13th, but really it's just weird shit that happened on a daily basis. However, before we get to that, let's take note of my favorite holiday: Balance Day!
There's a portion of this story that involves my darling Jammy, who I miss with ever fiber of my being, so in case you've forgotten who he is there's a link to an entire blog about him here. Anyway. Let's take a trip back to Valentine's Day 2012. I was working a dinner shift, as was Jammy. One of our bussers, Tazim was also there. And really, all you need to know about Tazim can be learned from this picture.
He doesn't actually look like this. He does say "hey hey hey hey" a lot though.
Anyway, because Tazim is slightly confused by life sometimes he kept referring to the evening of 2/14 as "Balance Day." Jammy, who hates Tazim with a fiery burning passion, and speaks slightly better English, thought this was absolutely hilarious and kept laughing about the error, even building upon it, telling everybody he came in contact with : "Balance Day! You have got to balance your love! Balance! Not unbalanced!" (please imagine all of this in a strong Bengali accent for maximum effect.) Anyway, three years later I can't think of February 14 as anything other than Balance Day. So I wish you all a romantic and loving Balance Day.
While we're all still feeling the love, let's take a moment out to mention a few oh so romantic things that happened in my current workplace within the last couple of weeks. First off, about two weeks ago, I was working and had a couple that was canoodling, sitting on the same side of the booth, kissy kissy, whatever. No big. Until of course the chick pushed the dude down on the booth, climbed on top of him, straddled him, and started tickling him to death. I mean....that's a little much. Anyway, my manager walked by and gave them a little eyebrow raise.
Nothing big, just a little "disapproving uncle" face. So they stopped and left shortly thereafter. Anyway, I went to pick up the credit card slip and in the "tip" line they had written:
"$7.00 - manager = 0.00"
And while we're on the topic of making out in the restaurant, who the fuck are all these people who seem to be enamored of the idea of making out right in front of service bar? Who are you people? Seriously. You do you. I'm not here to judge. But you straight up need to get the fuck out of my way before I throw all the drinks in your face.
But enough romance. Let's wind up the blog with some Old School Roasting Stories. Off we go.
January 31, 2012
Me: Here's your mint tea.
Guest: Do you live above sea level?
No, bitch. I'm a goddamn angsty mermaid.
Anyway, I distinctly remember this happening to me, and I remember what table they were sitting at, and I remember being confused as fuck as to why I had to answer questions about whether or not I live above sea level. Inquiring minds, want to know, I'm sure.
Also January 31, 2012
Lady at 22 just ordered the "masculine salad." (Full of testosterone, I'm sure.)
Only the manliest leafy greens.
That one also happened to me, and honestly that fucking shit happened all the time. So many times I was tempted to just bring over a salad with a bunch of stereotypical male things on the plate. I was also very tempted to have a job and not be fired, so I never actually did that.
One more story before I hit the road.
Also from January 31, 2012 (evidently it was an eventful day)
Me: Hey, do you guys have a first aid kit back here?
Line Cook: WHAT TABLE?!?!?!
And that, my friends, sums up the NYC restaurant industry in a nutshell.
Til next time...
