Ren Fairs, Star Trek, and a visit from the DBG

I suck at updating. I am the worst in the history of things ever. I'm also the worst at putting my laundry away. I've had clean laundry sitting on my bed for a week. Because...well mostly just because I suck at life.

So about a week and a half ago, there was a Sunday Medieval Festival in the park. Apparently the park does this every year. And I'm pretty sure I knew about it, because I remember one time I was going to the A and this dude with a tail was coming out of the elevator and I was like wtf is that shit?

Anyway. It's that time of year again. And my New Uptown Restaurant that I work at now had a special medieval menu (read: sausages and pretzels) and we all had to dress up, which basically meant the girls wore long skirts and the one guy with shoulder length hair wore it down instead of in a ponytail. We classy.

Anyway, to be honest I was expecting a lot of this sort of thing :

Because this is the extent of my ren fair knowledge. 

Oh, and as a bonus, THIS EXISTS:

RUB A DUB DUB

Yup. Some guy made a re-mix of that dude going rub a dub dub. I swear, sometimes I just love the internet. So, so much.

Anyway. All the freaks were out. But, you know, whatever. It's their special day. Let em be. The thing I couldn't get behind were the random  weirdos  who  just  took the occasion to dress as whatever weird fucking shit they wanted. Like, there was a chick dressed as some kind of moulin rouge/french prostitute/can-can dancer thing.  That was weird.  Even weirder, however, were the two dudes sitting at the bar in full on Star Trek uniforms.

Exactly

Then, to cap off that day, who the fuck should show up but Douchey Bar Guy. I don't even know what the fuck he was doing there. He lives on the UWS near The Cafe.  He shouldn't be so far uptown, he shouldn't be up in my hood, and he certainly shouldn't be all up in my zone in my new workplace. That was just friggin wonderful. And of course his horrible satan child was with him.  Luckily I was legit busy and didn't really have a chance to say more than "hello."

I have to emphasize though, that this all occurred on a very weird, random day.  On the whole, Uptown Restaurant is a million times better and easier than The Cafe.  That said, two days ago a woman attempted to follow me into the kitchen because if her friend didn't get a hamburger immediately he'd "go into a coma." 

Please, tell me more things I totally care about.

Of course that all happened more than once at The Cafe. The "coma" part.  I may already have written about this on here, but at one point a crazy old man told my friend the hostess that he needed his food RIGHT NOW BECAUSE DIABETES. Then the food came and it was a waffle that he proceeded to douse in maple syrup.  Ruh roh.  There were also people constantly trying to enter the kitchen, though I think part of that was them just looking for the bathroom.  I always wanted to say, "Bitch, do you SEE a toilet back here?  Wanna crap in that bus tub? Be my guest!"  One time a guy actually came back into the wait station though, and when I tried to direct him to the bathroom he told me he "needed salads" and proceeded to stick his face in the window and look through the food. WHAT IS THAT. GO AWAY.

But enough of that nonsense. We've got Roasting Backlog to do!

January 12, 2012

Woman: I'll have a carafe of cotes du rhone.

Me: I'm so sorry. I'm out of cotes du rhone. Can I get you a different red?

Man: Okay, we'll just have a bottle of the cotes du rhone.

January 15, 2012

First table of the day. Table 45 brought their own maple syrup. It's organic!

Shit like that was  always happening at The Cafe. People were always constantly wanting me to microwave the maple syrup. Which...who gives a fuck? I could understand if it was refrigerated or something, but it's room temperature. It's not cold enough to alter the temperature of your food. So basically...No. No I won't do that. Eat a dick.

One more story for the day:

January 22, 2012

So...this scuzzy guy came in and told the hostess he was a casting director for a modeling agency, and he needed models to go to some church on Amsterdam. When none of the waitresses went with him he started soliciting my tables.

I remember this! If I recall correctly, it was already during kind of a busy brunch, and this guy that looked like a bum came in and started asking us all if we could model for him. And he was creepy. Like...picture some sleazeball pervert trying to pick up girls outside the Port Authority and lure them back to his "studio," after which they mysteriously disappear in a Lifetime Original Movie type scenario.  It was that kind of guy. I think I was eventually the one who got him to go away, mainly because I'm kind of scary and I very rarely showered before a brunch shift, because what's the point if you'll smell like eggs by 8 AM anyway.  So, you know. I'm good for protecting the pretty people and chasing off the scary dudes.

I swear on the newest episodes of all my favorite shows that I will update this more often. I SWEAR.

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