DBG is the quintessential overgrown dudebro frat rat. He's somehow a dad to two kids by different women, meaning he's convinced at least two women to sleep with him on different occasions. That alone is enough to baffle me. Then again, the woman who is the mother of his toddler is completely batshit insane, so that may have something to do with it.
If you want to get an idea of what he looks like, think this kind of thing:
(except pushing 40 and even less attractive)
DBG likes to come in and tell me "you're always here!" REALLY? Bitch, I work here. Five days a week. You're the one who's always here. How'd you like me to show up at whatever the fuck it is you do for a living and tell you that you're always there? I mean really, what is that?
A few years ago, when DBG's ex was pregnant with their now-toddler, the two of them used to come in and scream at each other all the time. It was a horror to watch. Then the woman birthed this horrible spawn of Satan child, who's now so neglected that I truly feel sorry for her.
About a year and a half ago, DBG came in with his two daughters. The Satan Child, and an older, well behaved Quiet Child, who looked to be about 7 or 8. Satan Child started acting even worse than usual, and DBG decided he needed to take her home. So what did he do? He flagged me down, and told me he'd be leaving to take Satan Child home, and he'd be back in 20 minutes or so, and could I watch Quiet Child and "make sure nobody kidnaps her"? He was gone for almost 30 minutes.
I mean yeah, it was broad daylight, early afternoon, and in a cafe full of people.....but what if this dickweed had gone and gotten himself hit by a bus? What if he'd just never come back? And this sweet little girl, is just eating her pancakes, neglected as fuck. I'm not a damn babysitter. I've got shit to do. I'm happy to watch a kid for a few minutes while you go to the bathroom or whatever, but who the hell just leaves their seven year old at a cafe, in the charge of a waitress whose name they don't even know?
These days, DBG focuses most of his attentions on my bartender Kay. She's told him no outright, said she's not interested, and he still refuses to take no for an answer. It's gotten so bad that we've invented a "fake boyfriend" for her. Which, you know....fuck the patriarchy and all that shit. But really, it's just so obnoxious. DBG will come in, sit at the bar, and tell Kay that he wants to take her on a date and discuss opera with her for four hours. Sexy, right? And though she's his "dream girl" of the moment, I don't want you all to think that he tends to neglect me. The other day he told me, "You know, I've seen you every day for the past ten years, it almost feels like we're family. You should be on my Christmas card." (This is especially odd considering I've only lived in NYC for 5.5 years, and I've worked at the restaurant for not quite 4 years.)
Yesterday he told me he wants me to know he appreciates all my hard work, and if he has "extra money" any time soon, he's going to send me on a vacation. Sure. Bring it on, motherfucker. As long as it's by myself, and far away from you.
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