A few snippets.

It's been a good couple of days for crazies! Here's a few stories.

Thursday night I worked dinner and had a woman order a chicken caesar.  Our chicken caesar comes with a full paillard style chicken breast on top.  It also comes on a plate.  That's a huge problem.  Said salad was sent back because

1) It should have been in a bowl, not on a plate
2) The chicken should have been chopped up.

She went on to tell me, "It's not that it's BAD....I've just....I've never had anything like this before!"
I honestly thought she was going to cry, her level of distress and confusion was that bad.

So that was Thursday night. Today we had a couple winners on brunch as well.  First, I had an old man order a glass of wine, a gibson, a large soda, and eventually some food and dessert.   After I gave him the bill, he waved me back over to show me something. I'd double checked it before giving it to him, and knew everything on there was correct. Or so I thought....

He waved the check at me and said angrily:

"We go through this every time! If somebody is paying 12 dollars for a cocktail, the soda is free!"

Uh....What?  Since when? Who told you that? Does it say that on the menu? Are you just pulling rules out of your ass? I didn't put a gun to your head a force you to order a twelve dollar drink AND a soda AND a glass of wine and food and coffee and dessert.  Calm your shit. Of course I had the soda voided because I was scared he'd yelp me. But seriously. Who are these people? I'm going to start making up my own rules too. Like....if you do dumb shit in my restaurant I can charge you five dollars extra for being a moron.

Last but not least we have the lovely man who ate his entire Eggs Florentine without complaint, and then told me he had a message for the chef. Of course, it started with the phrase "I don't want to complain, BUT..."

Bitch, shut up. Yes you do. You totally want to complain. If you didn't want to complain you wouldn't complain.

Anyway, this man's gripe? 

"You need to tell the chef to cut the stems off of the spinach. I mean....if he did that on Top Chef he'd be kicked off right away!"

Yeah, and if I went on Top Model I'd be kicked off right away. What the fuck does Top Chef have to do with anything? First of all, you're too whiny about your spinach, and secondly if you're going around expecting everything in life to be like a reality TV competition, you're going to have problems.

I swear, I don' t know where they come from....