I wasn't planning on making such a "generic" post this week, but then my sweet overnight waiter was punched in the face late Sunday night/early Monday morning. So I thought I'd make a list of guidelines for those who seem to be in the dark on the dos and don'ts of...you know, not being a complete fucking asshole. Some of these reference past blogs, some are just things I'm thinking of off the top of my head.
DON'T
Talk to your waiter about your sex life.
This is grossly inappropriate. I don't care how many chicks you banged, who you went to Vegas with, what sort of weird hookups you had. I just do not want to know.
DON'T
Make gross sexual advances towards your waiter. Casual flirting/joking is fine, but don't be pushy. If the server or bartender actually IS interested in you, they'll let you know. One time when I was a 19 year old hostess in Ohio, an old man asked me to sit on his lap. Don't do shit like that.
DON'T
Change your kid's diaper on the table in the middle of the dining room. That's fucking gross.
DON'T
Come in and shit all over the bathroom floor. We had a problem with this for a while. There was this dude we called "The Pooper" because....well, he'd come in and shit all over the bathroom floor. We had to ban non-customers from using the restroom for a while, and of course that got people all crazy as well.
DON'T
Wander around the outside of the restaurant topless, and then eat the potted shrubbery when a manager asks you to put a shirt on.
DON'T
Punch your waiter in the face. Seriously. Who does that? I don't care what you think they did, or what's going on, you can't go around punching people in the face. Wanna punch people in the face? Go start a Fight Club or some shit like that.
But really, it all comes down to:
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